Comfort for Loss

“This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.” I begin each morning with this biblical affirmation from Psalm 118, along with some other proven favorites, and then move into my devotion time. Before Paul went to heaven, these words would slide off my tongue with confidence. Lately, they sometimes want to stick in my throat like a too-large chunk of bread that just won’t go down.

The emotions resulting from loss of any kind, but especially of a loved one, are unpredictable and deceiving. When we think they are receding into the background of our consciousness, they creep up on us and suddenly plunge a dagger into our stomach, leaving us reeling. They sap our strength and assault our thoughts as we desperately search for perspective and order in a life that is forever changed.

This morning, as I read from one of my devotionals, I was reminded that “it is through our trials and afflictions that God gives us fresh revelations of Himself.”¹ But the pain of the loss is unwelcome and my mind and body want to run for cover. Yet Paul says in Philippians 3:10 that he so wanted to know Jesus and the power of His resurrection, that he was willing participate in His sufferings and be conformed to His death. I need this resurrection power, now more than ever, in order to walk through this period of my life.

So I speak the words that open the door of my day, words that hold a promise of hope and peace. Jesus assures us in Hebrews 4:16 that we can come boldly to the throne of grace and obtain mercy and grace to help us in our time of need. As we experience our brand of suffering and yet are willing to give Him our sacrifice of praise, He scoops us up, holds us close, and soothes our pain.

¹ Nathaniel William Taylor in Streams in the Desert

                                                   ©2013 Laura Allen Nonemaker  All Rights Reserved

Moving Forward

As I woke this morning, thoughts flooded my mind with the force of a tsunami. My brain seemed to be going through an exercise in free association with phrases and sentences coming at me from everywhere. I wondered if some kind of dam had broken inside me and this was my mind’s way of releasing the grief. Was it part of the healing process? I had prayed that the grief cycle would not take five years with Paul as it did with the loss of my first husband, Bob, thirteen years ago. Could the Lord be answering my prayer and speeding things up? I hope so.

Yesterday, I was pretty stern with myself when the denial came rushing in again. Accept it, Laura. He’s not coming back. And even if he could, why would he? He has seen the face of Jesus and experienced heaven. Would I? Of course not! And so I resolved once again to take one day at a time and move in the right direction - forward.

My sweet little cat, Callie Marie, is finally beginning to return to normal. How it pained me the first night after I returned home following  the service in Louisville when I watched her searching for him. She walked from one side of the bed to the other, trying to find him.  She sniffed between the mattress and headboard. She made the journey repeatedly across the area rug on his side of the bed,  trying to detect his scent. My heart wanted to break for both of us.

On the last few mornings, Callie has returned to being excited about her Fancy Feast ® and once more she is putting her tail in the air when she walks, demonstrating that she is adjusting and feels better. Callie is processing her loss – and so must I - particularly with the official release of my newest children's book, Catie’s Secret, on November 5.

I am convinced I must do what is necessary for the successful launch of my book, in spite of this sad and unwelcome event in my life. Paul was my most enthusiastic cheerleader and often would tell me how proud he was to be “married to an author".  I know he would encourage me to move on with my books and I can almost hear him cheering me on from the halls of heaven.

   

So I will move forward with God's help and continue to pray that this time I will pass through grief faster than before. After all, there are children waiting for more God’s Secret Garden Adventures.  

            ©2013 Laura Allen Nonemaker    All rights reserved

Watercolor Memories

Yesterday, Joey, our lawn guy, dug a hole and planted the gardenia bush the family sent to honor Paul’s memory. There are some blooms on it already and, combined with the jasmine growing nearby, it distributes a heavenly scent along one end of the lanai.  

Later on, I puttered in the garden, attempting with all my mind and all my senses to pull memories of Paul close to me. Somehow, although I knew there was beauty and color all around me, everything seemed pale and incomplete without Paul to share it. It reminded me of an unfinished watercolor painting that the artist has set on a shelf and never returned to finish. One has to strain to visualize how the finished painting would have looked.

Paul used to love to watch me deadheading, pruning, and weeding among the flowers and shrubs. “You belong in a garden,” he would say. I would agree.  I began gardening, after a fashion, when I was two years old. That is when my daddy marked off a small plot just for me in the flower garden that bordered our front lawn. Daddy used to love to tell the story of how I would discover snails on the undersides of the leaves and quickly pop them in my mouth before he could stop me. Fortunately, I eventually learned not to eat the snails and developed a love of gardening that has endured to this day.

I imagine one day I will see my garden in full color again, as it was when Paul was around to share the experience. For now, I reach out and pull the memories close, sensing his presence with me.

                              ©2013 Laura Allen Nonemaker All Rights Reserved

High Flight

     My dear Paul went home to be with the Lord on Monday, September 16, 2013 during a flight from Johannesburg, South Africa to the U.S. We were returning from a 12-day mission trip with a group of 19 other short-term missionaries.
     During the past two weeks, I have begun the painful process of learning to live without my devoted husband, lover, best friend, companion, and fellow-adventurer. In addition, Paul has been a most enthusiastic cheerleader of my writing efforts.
     Someone mentioned that I should share this sad event on Facebook, particularly for those who may want to know about Paul’s passing. I know we are living in a digital world and “everything” gets out on the internet, but how could I share in such a public way this personally painful event that has changed my life forever.
     Last night, during a particularly fitful, sleepless night, it came to me that God ordained me to be a writer. That is what I do. That is what I need to do, not just for my own need for expression, but also to pass on my thoughts, ideas, and experiences in order possibly to make a difference in someone else’s life.
     That is why I have decided to use my blog, “Digging in God’s Garden,” to initiate some of my memories and musings and funnel them through my Facebook page. It will be a sort of catharsis for me and, goodness knows, I need to get back to blogging with the official launch of Catie’s Secret coming up in November.
     The following poem will, I hope, set the tone for what I share here in the days to come. It is symbolic of the enthusiastic and adventurous way Paul, who was a pilot for most of his life, lived his earthly life and embraced eternal life.

                                                                        High Flight

                                       “Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
                                    And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; 
                     Sunward I’ve climbed and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds -
                                  and done a thousand things you have not dreamed of -
                                  wheeled and soared and swung high in the sunlit silence.
                                     Hovering there, I’ve chased the shouting wind along
                                     and flung my eager craft through footless halls of air.
                                             Up, up the long delirious burning blue
                                     I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace,
                                              where never lark, or even eagle, flew;
                                         And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
                                           The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
                                       put out my hand and touched the face of God.”

                                                                             John Gillespie Magee, Jr.

Callie Marie's Stepmom

We are blessed beyond measure to have the best house-sitter/pet-sitter in town! She has become a "stepmom" to our calico cat, Callie Marie.

We met Karen several years ago when we first moved south. At that time we were active "snowbirds" and would leave for several weeks at a time, particularly during the summer. We seldom wanted to travel north in the cold months and expose ourselves to bone-chilling ice and snow. One year we went for Christmas and got iced in. We were both sick when we finally arrived home.

These days we spend most of our time here where it is warm and sunny. When we do travel, we know that our house is in good hands and so is Callie Marie. Callie loves Karen and we can tell how much Karen loves Callie in return. Callie gets anxious when she sees us pull out the luggage and start piling things on the spare room bed. She knows the drill. Karen is great at soothing her with comforting words and touch.

Our somewhat temperamental feline even lets her stepmom massage a daily dose of thyroid cream onto the inside of her ear. Karen especially makes points with Callie when she follows this up by feeding her a favorite salmon-flavored treat. She even lets Karen groom her and only bristles when the brush gets too close to her tail.

When Karen house- and Callie-sits, she takes care of all the routine details for us, like getting the mail, putting out the trash and keeping my plants watered. She even cleans up Callie's hairballs! We understand from Karen that a dip in the pool sometimes refreshes her (Karen - not Callie)when the day ends. Callie won't even go near the pool when someone is swimming, ever since Paul splashed her with a noodle.

When we travel, it's reassuring to know our house is well cared for. It's also a real comfort to know our precious calico is, too. Thanks, Karen!

©2013 Laura Allen Nonemaker All Rights Reserved

HOW TO FIND HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

Recently, we heard the shocking news of two more young Hollywood stars who succumbed to suicide. Gia Allemand, an actress and model, who was finalist in Season 14 of "The Bachelor," hung herself on August 12. She died two days later. Lee Thompson Young, who at age 14 was the star of the Disney series "The Famous Jett Jackson," and went on later to star in many other TV shows, was found dead on August 19. How sad when individuals who appear to have everything to live for lose all hope.

It is so vital that our society give young people the kind of values that will sustain them through both the mountain tops and the valleys of life. First of all, every person needs the redeeming power of Jesus Christ and the strength and hope He offers. After that, important character attributes to encourage in our children are commitment, consistency, perseverance, and persistence, which is easily remembered with the acronym CCPP.

As we pass on these timeworn values to our families and in our schools, as well as communicate them through our media outlets and social institutions, we can help our young people find a brighter hope and a sure future.

                               ©2013 Laura Allen Nonemaker  All Rights Reserved

Sweet Land of Liberty

“Our country ‘tis of thee, sweet land of liberty...” These words at the beginning of one of our beloved patriotic anthems speak about glorious attributes that define the United States of America. Some of us belt out the lyrics with gusto or reverence. Others mindlessly mouth the words and are ignorant of their significance.

Our constitution, brought into being by the hope, dedication, and sacrifice of our founding fathers, is in danger. The best system of government up to now is in danger. Our society is on a downhill slide, following the course of every nation that has dared to defy timeless principles and biblical values.

What can we do to stem the tide? There are a number of options, including:

1. Work with other concerned individuals to put fine political candidates in office.

2. Call or write our current representatives and express our concerns.

3. Share our views in letters to the editor and encourage others to do the same. 

4. Get involved in the school board and/or city council.

5. Start a discussion group to share information.

6. Pray

We can make a difference. With God's help, it is not too late get America back on the right path.

  ©2013 Laura Allen Nonemaker 

  All Rights Reserved